Somebody said it was cold...

Bitch, please...

I'm fabulous...

I shouldn't belittle it too much, because as soon as I open my mouth and say it's not so bad, the city will suffer a blackout of epic proportions and 75% of the population will freeze to death. Of the 25% that survive, 10% will die because they used a generator or propane heater in their living rooms or they burnt styrofoam cups in their fireplaces to stay warm, another 10% will die as a result of rampant cannibalism, and 50% will be hospitalized due to bites from rabid dogs that were left prowling the streets due to the first 75% that froze to death leaving them outside to fend for themselves.

And fend for themselves they will.

Or something.

All I know is that me and mine better be fine and dandy after having our new HVAC installed back in August, even if the ladies aren't participating in the stewroids.  

Yes, folks, stewroids.

No, not stewroids

I'm sure this is copyrighted or trademarked somewhere. It ain't mine. Ain't sellin' nothin'. 

Don't sue me, bro.

But stewroids.

To some degree, you can blame Jamie Lewis over at Chaos and Pain for this. His writing is almost always entertaining, often verbose and abrasive, and sometimes very informative. Oft times his stripped down, train insane and eat like a beast template serves as a reminder of what we should be doing when we lose track of what it means to be awesome. At some point he did a whole series on "stewroids", or freaking man ass stew type meals, from around the world. To his point, stews and their ilk make damn near the perfect training food, especially if you are on a gaining sort of diet. Traditionally, they are basically meat and veggies, sometimes with some good carb sources, and can be tweaked to do pretty much whatever you want them to do. 

That, along with a general lack of slow cookery aside from a lovely stock pot, sparked in me the need for a Crock Pot (tee em), which was received from my folks over this holiday season. A little research, a trip to the grockery, and a little time yielded the result above. 

With a genius move to add avocados. Because avocados. Yeah.

If you are the curious sort, the stewroids in question are, exactly:

• About 4.5lbs eye of round
• 3T flour
• 1t paprika
• 1T oregano
• kosher salt
• black pepper
• garlic powder
• onion powder
• appx 3T olive oil
• two cans of Wiseacre Tiny Bomb
• three cups chicken broth
• 2T tomato paste
• 2T Worcestershire sowce
• 5 stalks of celery
• 1 large yellow onion
• 4 medium - large carrots
• 8 red potatoes
• a bunch of baby portabella mushrooms
• a bunch of button mushrooms

You'll note that a lot of those seasonings did not get quantities next to them. I didn't measure these out as this was my first batch of stewroids and a lot of this was played by ear. Don't think any of these got more than two tablespoons worth, except maybe the salt. Because salt.

You're an adult (maybe). Handle it.

Started my combining the liquids EXCEPT the olive oil (paste included) with some salt, pepper, oregano, garlic powder, and onion powder in the Crock Pot (tee em) on low. For the record, my chicken broth was three bouillon cubes in 3C hot (ass) water. 

The eye of round got cut up in about 1.25" cubes, then dredged in the flour mit paprika, pfeffer, und salz and browned/fried in the olive oil over medium to medium high heat. Due to the sheer volume of beefy meats, this was done in about four batches and each batch added directly into the stock as they were done.

Next the onion, celery, and mushrooms were added. Cut these to your liking. For me, I split the celery stalks lengthwise then cut them in 0.25" wide pieces, about the same for the onion. I bought the mushrooms as two small packages of whole caps- I removed the stems from the mushrooms, then cut them in half, then each half crosscut into four to six pieces depending on the size of the caps.

I let this all cook for about four hours, then cut the carrot and red potato up and added them in along with a little more salt, black pepper, onion powder, and garlic powder. Four more hours on low and the stewroids she is done. 

Overall I am pretty happy with how this turned out for a first attempt. Next batch will probably be done with a dark beer instead of a pilsner and beef broth/stock versus the chicken broth used. The stewroids, as is, turned out a little bland, but I have the habit of adding soy sauce to stew when I serve myself a bowl. Same with roast beef. Just always have since I was a wee tike. Deal with it.

Yesterday I had another stroke of genius and sliced up some fresh avocado over it.

Pure.

Fucking.

Genius.

Stewroids +10.

Yes.  

Also got a little froggy last night and made up some protein snacks from a recipe that was featured in a good (ass) article over at EliteFTS. 

These were not quite the success I wanted them to be. I followed the recipe pretty much to the letter, only really subbing in dried cranberries and blueberries for the raspberries listed. I was about 90% happy with the flavor and consistency of the finished product, but there was one HUGE issue.

They stuck to the freaking paper cups. Like glued themselves in. Not enough fat in them to peel free, and the egg white apparently permeated the paper enough to pretty much cement them in. I intend to do these again, but I am going to up the game on them by adding more oatmeal, another scoop or three of protein powder, and doing them flat in a pan or spring form so they are more of a bar than a muffin. This should get them more portable and more easily handled when it comes time for the nibblin'.

Promising overall, though. 

So there you have it. That stuff plus a warm jacket or two and the fruits of the Keurig should make for some cozy times in the land of Memphis.

Did I mention I moved down here from Iowa?

Yeah, these folks don't know cold for jack.

But I have noms. 

So there.